Disclaimer: this is a post based on my personal experience of doing a PhD. Any opinion shown here must entirely be attributed to me.

Introduction

It’s been almost two years after my PhD defense. I work as a postdoc in a wonderful institution, and as you might guess, I am pushing towards a career in academia.

Reaching this point has been quite a stretch and a roller-coaster. When I looked back to the path I have taken, on the heat of a cathartic moment on a trip I asked myself: “how would the 23 years old Esteban imagine his academic future? what advice could I have given to him to make things easier? To make him understand what is coming next?”. In that moment I thought that it could be nice to summarize some of these ideas here.

This post might be a bit of a “hot-take”, but I think this is needed, because most of the posts that you encounter in the wild, which are entitled the same, just tell you some shallow things like “read more, take notes, talk to your supervisor” blablabla. Nah, we are looking for something more meaningful, aren’t we?

Just to provide some context: I am a Latin-American physicist, coming from a middle/low income family, the first one that went to the university. I grew up with barely any cultural capital, I never hopped on a plane until my first year of PhD and back then my command of the English language was, with some luck, functional. As you might understand, I am pretty much of an outlier in the world of academia, which in my opinion, is inherently “bourgeois”.

Being that said, it comes as no surprise that relating to the academic world is still a challenge; adapting was rough. So, most of the advice here try to resonate with those who, for some reason or another and due do their origins, were not really expected to be here.

Anyway… I want to put down on words what today’s Esteban would have told to that youngster back then. Enough chit-chat! Let’s dive in:

1. “Fake it till you make it”

I recall my first weeks as a PhD student. I jumped from a physics undergrad to a 🌟physics PhD student🌟!

Of course, I did not have the most remote idea what in the actual fuck this meant.

In this sense, the first years were rough: whenever I was asked what I was doing I repeated my mantra of being a physics PhD student. Under the hood the crippling hunch of not being enough was sheer. I could see how some other colleague is getting more papers than me, more conferences, more whatever. But then I realized that my path is unique; I need to embrace it and start to trust the process. We all start somewhere, and often in absolute zero!

This feeling of not being enough is what they call “impostor syndrome”. I have bad news though: it will tear you apart at some point of your academic route. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. It is imminent; be mentally ready.

But don’t fret! Normally we might feel that our actions would be the ones that a clown would do. Good news: your colleagues have the same concern about themselves haha. This feeling will never go away, but you can try taming it to keep it as low as possible.

Unfortunately, I don’t have the recipe to defeat it, but one thing you can do is to convince yourself that you are not incompetent by pretending a bit. A good part of what you have become, and your braveness to embrace the challenge of doing a PhD stems from your efforts and will. Do not look down on you. Do not allow to be treated less than you deserve.

Nevertheless, the position you are now is a mixture of luck, given initial conditions (family, resources etc) and your own aptitudes. I am not saying this to diminish your self-value; you need to put it in perspective to understand your path and the others.

Bottomline: trust a bit the process, you are allowed to be a bit cocky with your new position. Trust the little things you know now and build from there. PhD’s are meant to be hard, it will go fine but with a quota of suffering too! (point 2)

But don’t overdo it. No one likes arrogant pricks. I am watching you!

2. Learning is uncomfortable

Self-confidence and motivation are requirements for learning. This is your most valuable capital now, because trust me… you don’t know nothing!

Your net worth, academically speaking is how much you know. At PhD level, you must become an expert on your field: you are expected to push the frontiers of the knowledge in your area.

Sounds a bit frightening, but it’s true: no one has ever done your work, in the history of human intellectuality. At the end of the process, you must know something, right? Well, to do so the first step is learning.

Learning demands:

  • Willingness to do it
  • Conflict with your current understanding
  • Failure
  • Rinse and repeat

Following these points will be hard, it will take time, concentration and sacrifice. There are no shortcuts to take, no easy ways: tears and blood will be spilled (yeah, let’s put on some drama haha).

In the next years you will learn about how to learn; this will be the most valuable resource you will acquire. We, the PhD’s and future PhD’s are here because we love to learn (and this is transversal, regardless of your career choice). If you don’t like learning, you are in the wrong place my dear! For us learning unravel ecstatic moments of joy.

Those moments when everything make perfect sense will hit like the strongest drug!

However, you will wade into moments where you feel utterly incompetent, and you will rightfully be called out for that. The scars of this process are a distinctive signature of learning. But for each time that you fail and fuck up hard, do not take it in the chin: your personal self-worth is not tied to these failures. You are here to learn.

But don’t get me wrong: I am not encouraging you to go through it systematically; things may (or may not if you are lucky) go wrong when you really don’t know what the fuck are you doing!

3. On criticism

It will never be perfect.

Never.

Academia is a weird place where anything perfectly satisfies anyone. So, the most you can long for is “good enough”. That goddamn paper you are preparing will be reviewed and butchered so many times that you will want to submit the thing as fast as possible… so it can get reviewed by a referee, who will send his criticism too. Sisyphus is that you?

The PhD is a place where you will face criticism in many flavors: from the way you speak, write, code, draw etc etc. Everyone agrees in some common ground, though. During the PhD you will learn how to detect this common ground, and as a biproduct you will develop your own style for all your tasks.

I am deeply convinced that criticism is a powerful driving force for improving. Learn to embrace being wrong when told so, but be ready to defend your position too. Be honest with yourself when the criticism makes sense, even for things that by now might seem trivial.

When I started my PhD I thought I knew how to write, or code or whatever. Nah, I did not know shit, bud. haha.

4. Those guys… the “knowledgeable ones”… - not every fight is worth it

Some people out there make their way in academia following point 1. Fair enough, I guess?

There is another class who do not really know how to deal with imposter syndrome with a really distinctive coping mechanism: lifting their own self-appreciation through boasting to the colleagues in the exercise of our work.

Here is the deal: these kinds of people will use a lot of jargon, cherry-picked knowledge and/or using a tone that admits no replica from the interlocutor. This is not normal. They try to intimidate you. They try to make you confused instead of explaining.

Of course, this applies for people who should hold a conversation on equal footing!

This attitude has a very clear objective: making you lower your defense and seize the position of the “most trustable”. This is no other thing that a smoke curtain they have lifted to protect them from the external fire.

It is important that you grow the knowledge of your domain, so you can catch the so called “bullshit-callers”. Fun fact, they are often the ones who say most of the bullshit.

Some people do this unconsciously until told so; some others are flat out bad intentioned. You are the one to judge and to decide whether you want to pick confrontation or not.

Not every fight is worth picking them up; deep down I know it reveals problems with their own self-confidence rather than mine. As they say in french Laisse tomber.

Be respectful, ditch asymmetry and promote a fair exchange of ideas. Make yourself clear when you discuss, take time to explain and to listen. Any well-articulated discussion can/should be written in a piece of paper or a board, that is my rule of thumb to have a meaningful discussion.

This advice goes also for you: it might be tempting to use these cheap tricks to save an embarrassment. Learn to say: “I don’t know”. It does not hurt :)

5. Be grateful: colleagues and loved ones

Learn to say thanks. If you work with someone that is a positive influence for you, be grateful. Tell them that you appreciate what they do for you or what is their influence on you. Keep it professional though. Our colleagues are the base of our career, and we need each other in any further step we follow. Besides that, who knows… maybe you can make important personal ties with these people.

There is no need to be clingy though. Special words should come spontaneously, ideally, but overdoing it might make them trivial.

All of this also applies to your loved ones. Most of them will be absolutely clueless about the gibberish you say when they ask you about your research topic, but for those who listen carefully even if they don’t get it at all… they deserve heaven. Acknowledge the genuine interest; they try hard because they care.

Looking back to the past, I think I was really unfair with people that showed genuine interest; I adduced I was not being understood. I regret being like this.

I am deeply convinced that complexity of the topics at PhD level are almost never not explainable for layman, however, showing some shallow layers is possible. After all, lots of our jobs are in the public sector, so they pay the taxes, so we get paid. It’s the bare minimum we can do hahaha.

6. Your colleagues are human too

Following the lines of the point 5, your colleagues will also need you. Promote discussions, meetings to catch up about the research or be available to simply have a coffee with a demoralized colleague to bitch about the many things that go wrong alongside with a paper project.

On the other hand, if you have a younger colleague that needs a bit of a push or a soul-lifter speech and you think you have any personality or technical trait that might help them, go for it!

Your field of research is developed by humans and aimed to humans. No surprise then that human comprehension and empathy can help. The mere act of just listening to them can make a huge difference.

I must admit this is not a weakness I had, however, lot of the times it is heavily overlooked, and it is worth stressing on it.

7. Your chances to belong are narrow

Now a hard to swallow pill…

This advice applies only if you are looking for academic permanent positions. The reality out there, when you try to find a permanent job, is pretty dire. The demand overwhelmingly exceeds the offer. You must be extremely productive and/or talented and/or having the right network in the right moment and in the right place.

Not exactly a piece of cake.

This is something you will realize as you progress in the career and the systemic problems start to lure. Normally this is something that people will not warn you about; I am not saying this to discourage you but is you who decide whether you want to be red or blue pilled!

In fact, I am trying my shot, and I am having a lot of fun being a postdoc right now. However, I can sense this lifestyle is not suitable for long-term or for people with desires of settling down. This problem is rampant among colleagues.

Not much more to say. The bottom line is that, when so many factors need to be lined up, luck is very important yet extremely random.

8. Keep learning new crafts

The PhD program is the best moment for learning new stuff (point 2). Of course, we have our main projects ongoing, and lot of work must be pulled out to get those juicy papers, right? Nonetheless, you can make it double productive if you put some of your effort in learning a new skill at the same time.

  • Are you doing lot of repetitive tasks in your work? Learn to code!
  • Struggling to get the writing done? Read about academic writing! (or write a blog haha)
  • Bad at giving talks? Get down on it and start lecturing something easy!

Of course, this is dependent on your field and interest, but you get the gist!

Again, a big part of your PhD is the project you are involved in, but it is by no means the entirety of it. These years are meant for you to grow and learn integrally. You are being paid for learning: couldn’t this be cooler?

Be proactive!

Remember, and following the point (7), that exporting skills among fields will be a good card under the sleeve. You don’t have to be an expert on these side tasks. Notions will work just fine.

9. You are not going to be rich

A PhD is not a way to make you rich. More precisely, I would say it is not an efficient way for doing it. As I mentioned in point 2, PhDs are meant to move the frontier of knowledge; as a biproduct it might lead you to really master a specific and really hard craft that could be profitable. Soon you will realize that for your skill level, some industries will pay you more than a postdoc. It is you to decide whether you value money against a possible (point 7) career on science, which is perfectly fine!

In my case I value more doing science than money. But as we discussed in point 7, you must keep your eyes open.

They say that opportunities outside academia are there. I honestly don’t know as it is highly dependent on your field (and also, because I am not planning to leave it soon). One thing I am sure though, is that PhD material people can build out of nowhere. We are/will be expert on learning and adapting. A skill that is not easy to get.

10. Relating to this world will hit hard

If you come from a similar background like mine, you will start to notice that the new world you are being exposed to holds very different rules. This is not a reproach to my former colleagues, people who have the utmost respect, but the people who got in academic positions and managed to move swiftly through the academic had nothing to do with my reality. Both money, family and cultural-wise.

I noticed this pattern after some time into it, and I understood that they were far beyond in the progression due to their prior knowledge of that world. This is what some people call the “hidden curriculum”: the set of unspoken rules, norms and values that people with well-established families of academic tradition inculcate to their children to find their way in the University.

It is, therefore, little surprise that lots of the academic staff, at least in America and Latin America become from this particular sphere.

I come from an underrepresented part of society in academia. I did not know about all of this prior PhD: I am an anomaly of the system, I am here somewhat because of luck or effort, or maybe both.

So, if you are a first-generation too, buckle up: you will sail now over really uncharted territory.

Closing remarks

I ran short of points to address for explaining, in my opinion what I wish I knew before doing my PhD. I decided to spare you other really important points concerning your mental health, the need of taking your time off, keeping your physical health, or ditching the idea of chimerical perfectionism. Who knows, these points might be another blog post in the future.

I am not aiming for a transversal audience with this post, but I guess something useful could be also extracted from here. If not, at least it will be a good timestamp of what the Esteban of 29 years old, as postdoc, thinks about his past of a PhD student. As we say in my home region in Chile: “the cow should never forget it was once a calf.”

Thanks for reading!

Special acknowledgment: to Francesca Bonaccorsi for her fruitful comments about the post prior publication.